I want to care

So I'm losing things. I'm losing people. I'm losing myself. I lost my job a couple of years ago, because I stopped turning up after collapsing from overdoses on more than one occasion, whilst at work (unbeknownst to my colleagues), and my anxiety became too much. They rang me, texted me, and finally, sent me … Continue reading I want to care

Doing nothing is not satisfying.

I used to skip Uni to stay and do nothing, I used to skip appointments and deadlines and call in sick to work to do nothing. I quit work- to do nothing. The more time I've spent doing so, the more I've become bored with it. My best friend recently got a letter getting him … Continue reading Doing nothing is not satisfying.

Telling my friend I had relapsed

So out of all the posts I've been meaning to write, I'll start with the first thing I can think of. So I told my best friend that I was on, at that very moment, while chatting to him (over Facebook), MDMA. His reaction was, well, not what I expected. He completely went off at … Continue reading Telling my friend I had relapsed

I actually attended work this time

So on my past post I spoke about the fact that I had just not turned up to work, and when asked, made a stupid excuse about not realising I was in. I don't know whether to feel relieved or guilty that they were nice to me. The woman on the phone said it was … Continue reading I actually attended work this time

I skipped work again today

I feel awful. I feel great. However juxtaposed that is, it's true. I feel awful. Today I missed work. I didn't call them, I actually turned my phone off. This is something the old me would have done. On Tuesday my sister called in sick to work, and that day I really didn't want to … Continue reading I skipped work again today

Another drug story- University

At University I remember collapsing when going to get some water. I'd taken a mix of benzos and some painkillers. I always took benzos at uni because otherwise my hands shook, I stumbled on my words, I felt like I couldn't face it without being numb. The first aid man came and took me to … Continue reading Another drug story- University

A drug story

I went on a family trip altogether and it was just me, my Mum, my Dad, my Sister, my Nan, my Grandad, annnnd my drugs. Codeine, mainly. It was a beautiful house, right by the sea and in a nice little town with nice pubs and a lighthouse in the distance. I loved it. Especially … Continue reading A drug story