Update- I didn’t die

Just a random update to any random viewers who may have read my previous post. I’m okay, nothing happened. My package is still being held but it’s not as frightening anymore because I gathered the courage to tell my mother that there may be a package at any day or time and to please not lose faith or trust in me because it is not something I want and I wanted to erase its existence but in truth it might arrive and for her to please, one last time, believe I have not gone behind her back it just happened to be before I promised her nothing else would be coming. I was a coward because I waited until she was drunk before I told her but she seemed okay with it. She thanked me for my honesty and told me she would keep and eye out and I told her to throw it if it arrived.

So, seems like all that panic was for nothing I guess. I felt relieved but I also kinda felt panicked because I truly want to remain sober and mean every word, but I know addicts can’t be trusted which mean I can’t be trusted. How long til I give in? How long til I hurt them again? I’m glad I get to watch some stuff i’d miss if I’d died that day but I’m worried about the day I finally do it. But for now I’m here and I’m gonna struggle through as many weeks or months as I can. I hope ya’ll are staying strong and keeping yourself safe and healthy.

I’ll be posting again shortly just thought an update was needed. Peace x

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