Seriously, so my pain that I get so often it caused me to start taking drugs and landed me in this cycle of sobriety, relapses, comedowns, withdrawals, sobriety and relapse again- I decided to try again with a doctor.
I guess you can’t always expect doctors to be nice, but seriously, as least pretend you care? I know if you don’t understand what a person is feeling or going through it’s hard to sympathise, but you’re a healthcare professional, you’ve read about pain, and if somebody is in your office complaining of severe pain that lasts… constantly, then maybe you can have a little more understanding, and a little less “weightloss can help” and “you have flat feet which you were born with which is probably just gonna stay that way”. Sooo, what? I’m gonna just be in pain and not know why?
iII stayed in the office and told her sure I have flat feet. I should have worn my insoles when I was a kid which basically push an arch into your foot. Flat feet mean you walk more inwards, and your knees are closer together. Quickly flashed back to my time in school where people would walk funny on purpose to make fun of me. Luckily with a little convincing, she referred me to physio where I will probably get insoles again and try once more to walk normally. I hate the whole firm belief that my pain was all to do with that, she was sure of it, and I’m sorry but I just don’t think that’s the case.
She didn’t smile, laugh at my joke about having the flu but not being there about that, and she just straight up looked at me and talked. Like a freakin Robot. My new google home has more personality than her, and could probably have told me the exact same thing. If I didn’t keep at it and tell her I need to know for sure it’s not something else, she also ordered blood tests for a number of possible conditions. She’s sure it’s nothing, maybe a vitamin D deficiency. I kinda laughed at the thought that all this pain i’ve experienced all my life and have been to a few doctors about, would all be down to a vitamin deficiency. But eh, if I am low on the vitamin, it’s good to know because I can get more of it, but what I feel certainly isn’t down to lack of bloody sunlight. (Although I am practically a vampire, especially at home)
Anyway. That was that. Yesterday I got my bloods done, she barely said hi. I was lying in bed wondering if I could go. I didn’t want to leave the house, but i managed it, and was just on time- which is what i said to the blood-taker (I have no idea how to spell their speciality names- phlebotomist?) Anyway, she didn’t even crack a smile and I sighed a little and sat down. There was like no talking involved, just “roll up your sleeve”, which, believe me is the worst thing anybody could ever say to me, but I knew for this, I just had to. She said nothing as I awkwardly had my sleeve up with my scars facing upwards, then she couldn’t find a vein and so I had to roll up the other one, the worst one. Found a vein, nothing. No speaking, just blood taking, four vials, and done. I asked when the results would be ready, and she said about three days. I’m not sure if I asked because I wanted to know about the results or whether I secretly just wanted to know if she was a mute. Ha. Ah well. Perhaps she was just an introvert like me. Just felt weird and awkward.
So that was my experiences with the NHS staff here in the UK. Sure, it’s free, but you sure don’t get anything but a diagnosis Web MD could have diagnosed, and probably could have provided me with more information. At least I’ll know soon, and the physio might help. I’m just fed up of pain. Joints, legs, shoulder and neck, back, whatever. Can’t keep self medicating and gritting my teeth after an hour of standing knowing I have 3 or more hours left of it. Just can’t do it.
Anyway, happy new year! I hope your doctors are nicer than mine. Or your nurses. Thanks for reading, until next time#1