Why suicide isn’t the way

Okay so I feel it’s necessary to talk about this subject. I have been on instagram a lot lately, and I don’t usually use it, so the posts and people I follow are all from a few years back, when I was in a very dark place, and they’re the type of accounts held by young people who are also in dark places. A lot of the accounts were of 15, 16, 17 year olds who have mental illnesses like bulimia, anorexia, depression, anxiety, bipolar etc. and the posts I see are of self-harm and suicide themes. It saddens me to think people are taking their lives at such young ages, before they can really live their life.

I guess I am thinking about this now because when you think about it, at those ages, you think it’s the end of the world if you’re unpopular, maybe even bullied. Believe me, I was relentlessly bullied for years and was so lost and alone, and I literally thought I’d be alone for the rest of my life- and sometimes, those thoughts still occur. However- school will end, and you’ll start doing something you want to do. It just breaks my heart to see people ending their lives without thinking it through, without hope for their future. Sometimes all you can see is revenge- make the bullies pay for making you feel this way. Make your parents upset after they hurt you. But you’re not just paying them pay, you’re making yourself pay the ultimate price. You’re death may upset people, it may make people wish they’d never hurt you. Guilt  might overwhelm them- but it wont last forever. People will move on with their lives- have jobs, have families, and you’ll be the distant memory. If you ever consider suicide just to get back at people, please don’t. It’ll be ending your chance for success, for a future, by making them feel guilty for a while. I used to fantasise about it- making the bullies feel guilty for every name they called me, for every punch, slap, kick. But I knew they’d forget eventually. I’d be dead. My family would be in pieces and everyone would move on, all for a moment of satisfaction I’d never actually get. You wont see their reactions- wont feel satisfied at how guilty they are. Dead is dead.

Felt I had to write something about it. Too many people are feeling so hopelessly lost- drowning in depression. And i’m not going to go with the “it gets better” clique, but if there is hope, don’t throw it away. I’m not going to lie and tell you that now, at twenty years old, that I am always happy to be alive. That I don’t still think about the peace of dying. I’m not going to pretend I made loads of friends in the end and am going on to be successful. But I’m one person, and you might find the breakthrough in life you deserve. I am 20, I’m still young, I can still make something of myself. So I don’t feel completely hopeless, even after years of feeling this way, I can imagine something better for myself in this life. So can you. Keep going, and please realise it’s not the end, even when you think it is. Even when you’ve lost all your friends, even when your family is disappointed in you, when you’re backed into a dark corner, there’s a way out. There’s only up. The only way you can go from here- is up.

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