I am a 22 year old female, with an associates degree/diploma of Higher Education in Art & Design, specifically within Fashion and Textiles.
I decided to blog anonymously a while ago, because I have so many thoughts and feeling that I am unable to let out to anybody, and I often find myself letting it out on me instead.
I have lost my way a little. Addiction, depression, anxiety, loss of a job, debt, moving back with my parents, losing friends etc. But I believe as long as I am still breathing, there’s a chance I can make these things better. I’m not there yet, but I will keep trying.
From a young age I have not been good to myself. I’ve engaged in self-destructive behaviours and only now, as an adult, am I realising they will not just “go away”, I won’t just “grow out of it”. So here I am. Here I am to express myself, and let out all the emotions I’ve kept inside for so long.
When I was younger, I was badly bullied, and it’s stuck with me all these years later. At the time, I was a cheerful, bubbly, happy child, and I loved people and nature and going out and just being a kid. That side of me got taken way too soon, when I arrived at secondary school. Within a month I was known as the “swot”, because I paid attention in lesson and wore my uniform correctly, and didn’t like wearing make-up. Whenever I spoke up in class, people laughed. Whenever I changed my appearance, people laughed. Whenever I tried to fit in, people pushed me away and honestly, I was such a lonely person. In primary school I’d felt invisible and thought that was the worst thing ever, but not being invisible was worse, much worse.
(More on my bullying story in a future blog post, I will post the link here)
SO, I am a 22 year old girl, with a degree relating to fashion. I work in fashion retail, and have done previous work in sales, marketing, visual merchandising, and have done a lot of volunteering. I like reading, drawing, designing, and things like cycling, swimming and being in the outdoors. I like rock music mainly, but I love belting out to a good musical, I like some pop songs and am partial to some 80s jams. I have my own identity, that I am discovering bit by bit by picking up the pieces of myself that I left behind in each toxic relationship. I have a goal, that I WILL rediscover who I am, and who I am supposed to be.